Introduction

At first I wanted merely to start a journal. I thought that by collecting my more random thoughts in one cohesive form I would be able to clarify my thinking and perhaps come to some sort of understanding as to how to deal with the wide and varied assortment of troubles life has decided to toss my way. I also figured that, if I were to follow along the path of several of my relatives and suffer memory loss issues as my life progressed, I'd have a way of looking back. Then again, do I really wish to recall all that is going on? Listing everything would ultimately be a mere self-pity fest, and I am all too aware that there are many people in the world whose problems are far more serious than my own. So perhaps in starting this I am merely giving in to my need to vent. If, in doing so, I am able to solve some problems, or more likely, learn to deal with those I have no control over, so be it.

Like many of you, I'm a mom. I have three children, all smart and personable, but at least two suffer from mental illness. The two older ones live on their own, but their various problems and difficulties are a source of constant worry over their safety and well-being. I have a full-time job that provides little in the way of compensation, but more than makes up for it in stress and frustration. I am married, but out of respect for my husband, you will not be hearing much about him. He is a very private person. You will hear me speak more often, however, of my first husband, who has not earned any special considerations, and is also the source of a good amount of resentment and anger.

I suffer from several afflictions, none life-threatening, but all either painful or life-altering. I have enough intelligence to recognize my problems, and up to now, enough humor to get by in spite of them. The latter is in short supply lately, and I feel myself sinking more often into a state of depression. I'm not apathetic, that would almost be a blessing! I'm exhausted. The chronic stress, with no real respite, has whittled away at any joy I used to feel. So, perhaps, the real purpose of this blog is to recover that. I'll post, when the mood strikes or when I feel overwhelmed, and in hitting "publish" relegate my issues to the pages of this blog rather than allowing them to fester in my mind where I would ruminate upon them until they formed a sticky paste in which I would wallow.

I will warn you that some of what I'll be writing will sound as though it was written for daytime TV, some will be bizarre, some, hopefully, thought provoking or at least amusing... but it will all be real.